Journal Entry

From the begging of the coronavirus, I have not been afraid. I was not afraid of sickness, suffering, pain or even death. I am always trying to understand why I feel the way I do.

At first, as our brains are programmed to do, I looked to reason, and logic then created stories to tell myself. Because that is what our logical brain does to explain the deep feelings of our hearts that we can’t really be put into words, as I started to tell people my stories, I could see there was a problem. My logic and reason were not convincing anyone to feel as I did.

I started to ask people about their fear or lack of it, and I heard them, as I had done, struggle to find a story as they looked to their logic and reason part of their brains.

We all created stories to back up our feelings. No stories matched mine. A few have created stories similar to mine. However, I have stopped trying to tell my stories of logic and reason because it was giving no comfort to anyone. I don’t believe logic and reason can touch anyone’s heart. I just started listening and reading to other people’s stories.
I do not believe we are living on logic and reason. I believe we are all living on the irrational feelings of our hearts

Our deep feelings are motivating strange stories and behavior. I realize that most of us feel we have no control or influence over the current situation. It is way bigger than me. Because our stories do not match, it seems to be causing anxiety and tension between people, and that adds to our frustration and uncertainty.

Like I said, in the beginning, I am not afraid. I do not feel I am immuned or powerful enough to avoid sickness, pain, suffering, or death. Because I have experienced sickness, pain, and suffering, and I expect I will have to endure all of those again. I also know I will die, whether it is today, tomorrow, or in 40 years.

Today I found some clarity to my feelings of why I am not afraid and feel peace and tranquility in this time of uncertainty in the world. That is why I am sharing them with you today. As I contemplated Easter, I stumbled across a video that brought me more understanding.

Here is the video In A Coming Day

And another Because of Him

I realize now that my hope in Jesus Christ is irrational and the illogical cause. However, the hope and peace that I feel are real to me. Because of my hope in Jesus Christ, I believe he will overcome fear, sickness, suffering, pain, and death for me.

You may have realized I have not said: “I know anything.” I realize this is all hope. However, I realize now that this hope is what is bringing me the feelings of peace and tranquility in these unsettling times.

If you are looking for peace I invite you to try hope in Jesus Christ.

Today is the beginning of Passover for members of the Jewish faith.

Passover helps remind Jews of the mercy given to believers in Egypt to spare their children from death.

Reflecting on the story of Moses, the children of Israel and their deliverance from slavery in Egypt. During the whole ordeal God was making it clear who was in control. By the end of the 10 plagues, Pharoah, the pharaoh’s magicians, the people of Egypt and the children of Isreal all believed God as in Control and Moses was his prophet.

I also see that in the beginning of the ordeal the Magicians were able to copy Moses’s miracles, turning the rod into a serpent and the turning of water to blood. This made it easy for Pharaoh and his people not to believe the warnings. This is similar to today where science is able to eradicate the plagues of today. However, as the plagues progressed it became important that the people believed in God were spared the plague where the unbelievers only acknowledged after losses from the plagues that their science could not recreate or stop the plague. Only belief in God before the plague would offer protection.

For instance with the AIDS epidemic of the 1980s and 1990s. If someone had chosen early in life to follow strict Judao, Christian or Muslim beliefs they were much less likely to be affected by that plague. By choosing to follow the commandments of many religions believing abstinence from sexual relations outside of marriage and abstinence from substance abuse. These religious people were much more likely to be kept from suffering than if they had not been following those suggestions. However, now science has come up with measures, like the magicians, to counteract the plagues.

The same thing with natural disasters. The church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has suggested for many years that we have food and necessities stored for emergencies. We continue to see around the world where things will do well to help us survive well disasters.

I believe all of these things are out there as a reminder to us to look to God and find protection, answers, and comfort from him.

However, everyone needs to find this out for themselves. I suggest everyone start to experiment with little things. Like reading a scripture a day or praying to see if God will answer a pray for you.

For weeks now I have not been able to use reason to argue irrational fear once successfully. Because they can always win with, “what if I die?” I cannot guarantee they won’t die. Even when I use the logic that every day they go about their business and they are not significantly increasing or decreasing their chances of dying by staying home.

Last night I had a dream I remember. I am assuming I have a lot more dreams than I remember. Last night I had one that I remember and I will have to tell yo about it.

First, I’d like to write down some of the impressions I had from General Conference. Because I would like to remember those things too.

One impression I had was that we need to as a family set goals based on the framework set forth for the youth, 8 to 18. The framework suggests setting goals in four areas. Spiritual, Social, Physical, and Intellectual. I believe as a family we need to do this.

Now back to the dream. I dreamt I was on a plan that was being hijacked. We landed, and the captain and I were in a bedroom on the plane and the hijacker threw his gun to the captain and then to me. I pointed the gun at the hijacker and told him not to move. He wasn’t afraid because he knew there were no bullets in the gun. Then I was in a room at basically front-wheel level watching the plane land. The captain and I walked him towards the airport in an enclosed area the hijacker started to run, and I pursued him, caught him and held him on the floor with my knee on his neck. I was looking around for security to come and give me some handcuffs, but security never gave me any. Then we were back on the plane taking off. Just as we were taking off, it looked like the city we were leaving was being attacked, by what felt like Russian planes. The attacking force was in jets, and some were landing.

I am setting a goal once again to write something everyday. It’s too late to get much out. We are still in the midst of the Corona virus which has been built on fear. One of the theories I conjured up today is that people are less religious and are more afraid of death than their religious ancestors. Death would seem to be more dramatic if there is not life after death. Just an idea.